The Comfort Zone of Disrespect
I find it astonishing how often we tolerate disrespect because we are simply so afraid of losing connection, familiarity, or status. We would rather be spoken to poorly, accept intolerable acts, endure physical hurts, or be part of stagnation because at least this way, we are familiar with this loneliness, hurt, and betrayal. We have allowed this into our comfort zone, and finding a way out feels uncomfortable and scary. If we were to look outside of this zone, we might freeze in fear of the unknown. We tell ourselves what’s on the other side of this may be worse, and so we stay.
One way this disrespect commonly appears in the media; from news talk shows, to sitcoms, to music and films. Using media in therapy helps convey difficult topics, starts a conversation around an issue, or demonstrates the humanness of life we all endure. For instance, I was recently watching Girls Trip (2017), a fun, raunchy, loving depiction of sisterhood through the years, and one particular line of the film stayed with me: “At some point I decided I would rather be disrespected than be alone.” Ouch…
Our brains naturally gravitate toward the negative; it is what has kept us safe through the millions of years of our evolution and existence. However, at times, it becomes detrimental to not explore the positive or neutral aspects of change. As we leave our comfort zones, we do experience fear of the unknown and tend to make excuses as to why change is not for us or can’t happen. Once we move through our fears, however, we enter a phase of learning and growth, realizing that we can do something new and uncertain, and that maybe, just maybe, our dreams and goals are worth reaching.
But what if what lies outside of our comfort zone is better than what we are experiencing now? What if others can communicate effectively with us? What if others will not physically, emotionally, or mentally harm us? What if others handle us with the care and consideration we deserve as opposed to putting us down? I find these questions worth considering, especially when paired with this phrase:
“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask ‘What if I fall?’
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”
– Erin Hanson
Begin with this: Disrespect is defined in the dictionary as a lack of respect, rudeness, or contempt. Based on this definition, what does disrespect mean to you, and how does it manifest in your life? Once you’ve outlined your personal definition and signs of disrespect, take a moment to look at your close relationships and environments. Which environments are supportive and nurturing, and which garner a space of disrespect and lack of consideration? How much energy do you devote to these people and places currently, and are they still worth your devotion? Who is a repeat offender? Is it worth a conversation? What boundaries may now need to be put in place?
Please take a moment to reflect on what feelings you experienced while reading this. Sit with them for a moment and use this opportunity to reflect on your current situation. If you feel stuck, don’t hesitate to reach out for help.
