Blog: Thoughts, Articles, & Poems

She calls to me like a mother who’s lost her child,

Panicked, reaching

She knows my name fluently,

My patterns like the back of her hand,

Offering a promise if only I’ll come to her.

A promise to stay,

A promise to wrap me in her embrace and rock me softly to sleep

A promise never to leave,

And it sounds too good to be true.

I know she knows my hiding spaces, my dreams and desires

All I’ve ever loved.

My inner most demons, the spaces where my soul cracks open,

Her call grows ever closer,

What seems so warm and inviting, and all I want to do is run.

My legs grow tired at the thought of fleeing from her again,

My chest an aching cave,

The sweat under my arms grows cold,

My heart beat a constellation of uncertainty.

She is almost right on top of me now,

And all I can do is cry huge, heaving sobs,

Wet, painful, dramatic.

As she wraps herself around my being,

I ask her how she found me, even though I know the answer.

“I’ve been with you forever

Tucked into the crevices,

Hiding in the dark,

Frolicking in the light,

Staying quiet until it becomes too heavy to carry.

I’ve been passed around and cast aside until I can bear it no longer

Until you need me

Stored carefully in your blood, your bones, your womb, your D-N-f***ing-A.”

Between my sobs and her arms I ask her name.

“My name is the transcendence of Love, and I could not exist without Her.

I am known throughout all time, all cultures, all histories and beliefs.

I am the one shunned for loving you more than Love itself.”

And for the first time, I’ve run out of questions and tears.

I stand, asking for her hand,

And I know that it will always be this way,

Now and forever, She and I.

I turn to her and offer my deepest gratitude.

“Thank you, Grief.”

Further Reading

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Yes to Life by Viktor Frankl

It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine

When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner

Keep Breathing by Dr. Kate Truitt